Mum problem #1364
So since we've welcomed our second, most handsome child in to this world we've been hit with a whole new level of problems to deal with. Whoever said this was easy right? I mean I guess the saying 'who'd ever have em' came from somewhere right!? Except my problem began in the delivery room. In fact, I guess it started throughout the pregnancy.
Names! Such a massive decision, a huge responsibility! We are one of these couples that didn't find out the sex (yay), so we would have a girls and a boys name ready....you'd think. Once again, second time around we couldn't decide on a boys name. We didn't put pressure on it but both of us said that by the time the 9 months was up we will of had a name, or at least a couple.
A week before labour we STILL didn't have a name picked out. So we sat down and made the decision there and then! The one name that stuck out to us throughout the pregnancy, neither of us LOVED it, but it stuck out and we both 'liked' it. Ezra. It was different, not too different. But just nice, and a little cool.
Our daughters name is Indiana, we have always had her name picked out from since we first got together, so when we were blessed with a daughter that made it easy!
So birth came surprising, dare I say it...'easy' in the grand scheme of things. We were blessed with a beautiful, handsome baby boy. 'Hello Ezra' we both said. I first thought it was weird to be saying that name out loud like that, inside I wasn't sure if I liked it but I just guessed it was because it was new to me, to us! Except I never told anyone how I felt about the name. The first couple of weeks go by and we were constantly looking for approval of his name from people. Something we never cared about with Indianas name, we loved it so much that we didn't care what anyone thought. This was completely different. After a couple of weeks Stu and I had spoke about his name, finally, we both agreed we didn't love it. But we knew there was no other name so just accepted it. Upset that we didn't love his name like we had with our daughter. Along with already feeling guilty that the second time around everything isn't as special as it was first time around, we felt incredibly sorry for Ezra.
Time went on and we, along with Indiana, started to call him Ezzy, we much preferred this and really liked it. Again we accepted that we would mainly call him by his nickname, something I was never happy with deep inside.
Just over a month, maybe two, goes by. I put it out there, let's change his name! I became very upset, I am not someone who crys at anything, literally anything. I'm dead behind the eyes HAHA. But this, this got to me I kept crying about it, feeling an incredible amount of guilt.
So we spoke about changing his name, we STILL after 10 months, had no other name. We didn't LOVE any boy name. I was so heartbroken. Everyone told me how much they liked Ezra and how difficult it is for a baby so tiny to suit a name and how he would grow in to it, we would grow to love it. I tried to accept this, again.
3 months goes by, I still dislike it. One other name keeps popping out at me. It's everywhere, in films, on the Internet, on maps. Something that I may have never noticed but it kept popping out at me. I loved it in pregnancy but it was completely vetoed by Stu, so I dropped it. Until last night, the name comes up AGAIN on the tv, I burst in to tears saying "I hate his name! I love Phoenix!!!" Stu couldn't believe how upset I was, he never saw me like this. He goes on to say how much nicer it goes with Indiana. He still wasn't overly sure but he preferred it over Ezra. I was so upset that we hadn't had this conversation 3 months ago! I didn't want to push a name he didn't like.
Could I change his name NOW? 3 fucking months later?! Indiana called him Ezzy and that was the hardest thing for me. I asked close friends and family on their opinions for the first time, the majority didn't like Phoenix, suggested other names, told me they loved Ezra - this should of confused me more right? Nope! Phoenix stood out even more so than ever!
Was it too late? I saw my son as an Ezra, I have been calling him it for 3 months now! Our little Ezzy! Stu told me I had to do something otherwise I would regret it forever and how 3 months is such a short time in comparison to his whole life. He was right. But it was weird to even put Phoenix in to a sentence now.
So here we go, trail run for Phoenix. Day 1.
Ps. I hardly slept last night, I was up all night putting Phoenix in to sentences and trying to get used to it. This morning, Stu says how he's really not sure about it 🙄 OH and i know ill get comment like - well you had long enough to choose the name. - Clearly not long enough!
Phoenix Sydney Ezra English would be his full name IF we changed it.